Sleep, blessed sleep. The thing everyone tells you you’ll never get enough of once you’re a parent and you believe it but can’t quite comprehend it until you are in fact, a parent.
Asher was a fairly good sleeper right from the start due in large part to the fact that I had been given strict instructions from his pediatrician to wake him up and feed him every 2 hours. Luckily we only had to do that for four days, but it really helped get his sleep pattern in check. You see, the poor thing was so tired and I was constantly having to wake him up to feed him that it did two things: first, it meant that he became used to waiting for me to wake him up and feed him, which in turn helped get his days and nights set, and really that’s half the battle.
By the time he was 1 week old he was doing a solid 4 hour stretch of sleep at night, and when we started a night-time routine at 6 weeks old he began sleeping 6 hours straight. The problem was, however, that GETTING him to fall asleep was not so easy.
God forbid if I tried to rock him while standing in place, that child required forward motion and nothing else would do.
It required that I either a: nurse him to sleep, or b: hold him on his side with a pacifier in him mouth and his face pressed to my chest while I paced back and forth patting his bottom and singing him a song. God forbid if I tried to rock him while standing in place, that child required forward motion and nothing else would do. This wouldn’t have been terrible if it weren’t for the fact that Raf wasn’t able to do it 8 times out of 10, which meant that the bulk of getting him to sleep fell on my shoulders. Additionally, the only way Asher would nap during the day for longer that 20 minutes was if he was physically on my person.
Something had to give.
Right before Asher turned 3 months old we had just returned from our trip to Israel and thought that this would be the perfect time to sleep train him. We decided to rip the band-aid off in one fell swoop. We moved him into his own room, stopped swaddling him and began sleep training all at the same time. Sleeping well is a learned skill for babies and the biggest obstacle to overcome is self soothing.
Sleeping well is a learned skill for babies and the biggest obstacle to over come is self soothing.
We used the ‘progressive waiting’ method, which is a more accurate name for the well known ‘cry it out’ method. This does involve some crying so it is not for the faint of heart or the weak willed. The keys to success with this method are: 1. Make sure you put the baby down when they are fully awake. 2. Do not pick them up when you go in to comfort them. 3. Be consistent. 4. Establish a bedtime and nap routine if you haven’t already.
It works like this. You go about your bed time routine as normal. For us, this involves taking a bath, playing lullaby music, reading a story, saying prayers, have a night cap, singing a song and finally turning on a sound machine that plays ocean waves. I know that seems like a lot, but some of these things are happening at the same time, the whole process takes about 30 minutes from when bath time starts to when I put him down in his crib (before sleep training I would nurse him to sleep at the end of his bedtime routine). Ok, once you finish your routine, put the baby down in the crib when they are still awake and leave the room. I tell Asher “it’s sleep sleep time” and that I love him, give him a goodnight kiss and then leave. When you first do this the baby will most likely be crying, because they are used to YOU putting them to sleep rather than needing to put THEMSELVES to sleep. Once you have left the room you wait 3 minutes and go back in and pat and sooth the baby, replace a pacifier, what have you, but DO NOT pick them up or you will have to start all over. Only stay in the room for 1 minute and then leave again even if they are still crying. Now you wait 5 minutes and repeat. Finally you wait 7 minutes and repeat. If the baby is still not asleep after the longest wait time for that day, keep repeating the longest wait time until they have fallen asleep with you out of the room.
The wait times get longer with each successive day. I have listed the times we used below but feel free to set whatever times you feel comfortable with, just make sure you’re consistent.
Day 1. 3 min, 5 min, 7 min
Day 2: 5 min, 7 min, 10 min
Day 3: 7 min, 10 min, 12 min
Day 4: 10 min, 12 min, 15 min
Day 5: 12 min, 15 min, 17min
Day 6: 15 min, 17 min, 20 min
Day 7: 17 min, 20 min, 22 min
Do the same thing for all naps. It took Asher 3 days to fall asleep on his own at night without crying and 7 days to fall asleep on his own for naps without crying. If your baby is still not falling asleep their own by day 8, then you can lengthen the time as needed, but if they still haven’t gotten the hang of it by day 14 I suggest tabling it for a while and revisiting sleep training when your baby is a bit older or you could always try another method.
I didn’t continue the progressive waiting throughout the night. Many people do apply the sleep training throughout the night, which normally results in a baby that sleeps through the night. Since Asher wasn’t even 3 months old, I felt it was still important to feed him in the middle of the night if he was hungry. In any case he normally only wakes up once at night to feed and then goes straight back to sleep. Of course there are exceptions, occasionally he will wake up twice and if he’s sick or going through a growth spurt he may wake up every few hours, but for the most part he sleeps 12-13 hours and only gets up once. The exact time he wakes up for his nightly feeding varies. Sometimes he will sleep 10 hours straight and then get up, while other times he’ll get up to feed after 6 hours. Asher will sometimes fuss a bit periodically throughout the night, but I learnt that he isn’t fully awake at these times and is just settling himself back to sleep, while his hunger cry is quite distinct.
It was no easy feat to not go in and scoop him up when he was crying. The only way I got through it was by putting my head phones in and watching the baby monitor light up when he was crying rather than hearing the cries directly. All the pain I felt during that time was well worth it because it resulted in a happier, better rested baby and who can complain about that?
All the pain I felt during that time was well worth it because it resulted in a happier, better rested baby and who can complain about that?
Our next step is determining if, when and how we are going to night wean. Stay tuned.
*UPDATE*
We did it! Check out Sleep Training // Part 2.