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Tips for Traveling with a Baby // Air Travel

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Traveling with a baby can be pretty daunting at first but we found that once we dove in the whole experience was really quite manageable.  When Asher was 2.5 months old we flew to Israel and honestly, it was SO easy.  Here are my tips for traveling with a tiny tot.

We applied for his birth certificate and social security card while we were still in the hospital.  Once we had the birth certificate we applied for his passport and paid the extra fee to expedite the process, which I definitely recommend doing if you’re either planning a trip fairly soon after your baby arrives or just on short notice.

What to pack for baby in your checked baggage:

Clothing – I read somewhere that you should pack enough outfits to have 2 for each day you’ll be away plus 2 extras.  This was way too extreme for us, but you need to know your child.  We packed Asher 1 outfit for each day we would be away and then a couple extras.  I also packed these small packets of baby detergent that could be used to wash stuff in a sink in case of emergencies, which did come in handy.

1 blanket

Extra diapers and wipes – We brought all the diapers and wipes we would need for the whole trip with us, but if you’re going somewhere where that stuff is easily accessible I would recommend packing light and getting what you need when you arrive.  With that said, it was really nice to not have to worry about it.  I guess you just have to decide on how much you want to bring with you.

Diaper bag – For when you get to your destination.

Inflatable bath tub – This isn’t totally necessary, but it made giving Asher his bath SO much easier as opposed to bathing him in the sink or some other way.  We got this one.

Baby shampoo/wash & lotion

A great carry on bag:

We bought the Okkatots Baby Depot Diaper Bag Backpack and this thing was a life saver.  It was the only carry on bag that we brought with us and it fit everything we needed for both ourselves, Asher and then some.  There are so many compartments that you don’t have to spend a long time rummaging around for stuff.  It’s an organizational dream.  This bag is quite large so I don’t recommend it for everyday use, but for traveling is was perfect.  Once we got to Israel, I used my regular diaper bag, which I had packed in our checked luggage.  Stay tuned for a full review.

What to pack in your carry on luggage:

1 baby blanket – We put 1 in our carry on and packed another in our checked luggage.  Some people could probably get away with just 1, but having the extra is nice just in case any mishaps occur, like they did for us.

1-2 pacifiers – If your baby takes them.

A wet bag – To hold any little messes.  We decided that we didn’t want to have to figure out cloth diapering while traveling internationally so we put Asher in disposables for the trip.  Well, as luck would have it, he blew out of his diaper while flying over the Atlantic ocean.  Luckily, due to my distrust for disposables I had come prepared and it wasn’t that big of a deal.  The Okkatots bag comes with a wet bag of it’s own.  Did I mention how awesome this bag is?

Extra outfits – You should definitely pack several changes of cloths in your carry on bag just in case of an emergency.

Diapers & Wipes – Pack more then you think you’ll need, but no need to go over board.

1-2 Burp cloths – We got away with having 1, but it would have been nice to have 2, not essential, but nice.

Hand sanitizer – Airports and planes are gross and it isn’t always convenient or easy to wash your hands right away when you need to.

2 bibs – We packed 2 and this worked just fine for us. I did have to hand wash them a couple times, but they dry fairly quickly so it wasn’t a big deal.  I highly recommend bibs that have a waterproof layer.  I have some like these and think they are just wonderful.  No more wet outfits from a soaked through bib.  I mean, what’s the point of a bib if it’s just going to let the cloths underneath it get messy anyway?!

An extra top for mom – Babies are messy and the last thing you want on a long flight is to be covered in souring milk with nothing to change into.  Thankfully I didn’t need the change of clothes, but you never know.

Nursing cover – This is up to the individual.  I’m not a huge fan of nursing covers, but there are times when I don’t feel as comfortable nursing without one.  I used my nursing cover on the flight to Israel, but on the flight back I decided that it was more trouble then it was worth and just opted to be stealthy, which was honestly SO much better.  It did however come in handy when we were in Israel itself.  I have this one, which is great, but if I had to do it over I may consider getting one of the wearable poncho covers for the flight, that way I wouldn’t have to keep removing it, finding it, putting it back on, etc.  Something like this or this.

Saline solution – This is great to keep tiny baby nostrils from getting dried out while in the plane, however in a pinch, breast milk works too.  We used these saline swabs, which are a lot easier to manage in tight quarters than the drops are.

Something familiar – We brought Asher’s woombie with us and zipped him into when he slept on the plane.  I also played him his lullaby CD and the familiarity of those two things helped him sleep for the last 5 hours of our flight.  Score!

Snacks and toys – This is important if your baby is a little older, i.e. 6 months+

Instant formula – Good to have handy just in case.  We didn’t use it, but it gave me piece of mind, however I had been having milk supply issues, so most people probably won’t need this.  Also if you’re traveling with an infant you’re allowed to bring liquids on the flight.  Look into it.

A small baby carrier – We got the Baby K’tan and it was SO wonderful to travel with.  To find out more about it, check out my full review HERE.

Water bottle – I brought my amazing Nalgene with me on the flight and this was so helpful.  I just asked the flight attendants to fill it up for me periodically and that way I was able to stay hydrated and didn’t have to worry about holding a cup and a wriggly baby.  I am seriously IN LOVE with this water bottle.

Snacks for mom – Nursing makes you hungry and airlines can be pretty stingy about when they hand out food, so come prepared.

Whatever else you usually pack in your carry on bag: passports, lip balm, gum, tissues, etc.

What to wear:

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Baby – We put Asher in a simple long sleeve white cotton onsie, some cotton socks with a pair of fleece or terry pajamas over that.  Layering is important, but you don’t want to put too many layers on to make diaper changes any more of a hassle.  A bottom layer of cotton is great because it breathes and is soft against the skin, while a single warmer layer on top helps keep them cozy without having to bundle them up too much.  2 layers max, and if you can, try to dress them in things are aren’t too complicated to get on and off.

Yourself – I wore a nursing tank top with a stretchy t-shirt over top, that way I could easily and discretely nurse without needing a cover if I so chose.  I also wore a zip up hoodie and ‘dressy’ sweat pants. Don’t forget the feet: socks with shoes that can be slipped on and off but that are stable.  I wore sneakers, but something like boat shoes probably would have been easier. I also opted to wear a light jacket and I was thankful I did because it helped keep me warm and the giant pockets came in handy for storing baby essentials that I wanted to keep on my person.  When you’re traveling with a baby, comfort if VERY important.

Where to sit:

This is REALLY important in my book.  The key to making traveling long distances with an infant go as smoothly as possible is to sit at the bulk head, that way you have tons of room to get up and down when needed (also the extra leg room is vital if you or your spouse are over 6 foot). The best way to ensure that this happens is to call and request a bassinet ahead of time.  If there is no bassinet available ask to me seated in a bassinet row.  This is the one area where I feel it’s worth making a bit of a stink if you encounter resistance.  Trust me, if you are on a long flight, you want to be at the bulk head.   The only thing better than the bulk head is upgrading to business or first class.  Some flights make people pay extra to sit at the bulk head because of the extra leg room, they call it ‘economy plus’ (they really try to milk every cent out of you), but when you have a baby and you request a bassinet, you get to sit there at no extra charge.  The bassinets are provided on a first come first serve basis, which is why it is vital to call ahead and request one BUT you still need to ask for one again when you are at the airport checking in.  If they tell you they don’t have one available, then you can say, that you called ahead and were told that one had been reserved for you.

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If you are on a shorter flight on a smaller plane OR if for whatever reason you can’t get the bulk head on a longer flight I recommend sitting by the window.  It provides maximum privacy for nursing and ensures that no little limbs will be hanging out into the aisle, plus who wants to keep getting up to let someone out when they have a sleeping baby on their laps.  If the flight isn’t full and you are traveling with your spouse, it may be a good idea for one of you to book the aisle and one of you to book the window in the hopes that no one will want to sit in the middle seat.  If for whatever reason someone does end up sitting between you it should be easy enough to switch.

Take off and landing:

Many babies get upset or are uncomfortable during take off and landing due to the pressure build up in their ears.  If this is the case for your child, it may help to either nurse them or give them a pacifier to suck during these times as sucking can help (but not always) equalize the pressure. If sucking doesn’t work, you could try engaging them in an activity to help distract them.  Either way rest assured, your child won’t be screaming bloody murder forever and no lasting harm will be caused by the pressure build up not matter how uncomfortable it may be.  Asher, didn’t want to wait until take off to be fed so I nursed him while we waited to board the plane and he slept for all the take offs and landings, which worked out really well for us.

Gate checking a stroller and/or car seat:

When we traveled to Israel, we opted not to bring a stroller, but we did bring Asher’s car seat.  We gate checked his car seat and it was simple enough, but since it wasn’t a direct flight we had to lug it around at our connection with us and that was no fun.  If you are bringing a car seat, I recommend checking it in, unless a) you have a direct flight or b) it is part of a travel system stroller that you have also gate checked.

It is a fantastic idea to gate check a stroller.  That way you don’t always have to carry the baby if you have a lot of connections or there are long lines (if you do end up carrying the baby the stroller can double as a luggage cart).  Gate checking is AMAZING.  I think a sturdy umbrella stroller is the way to go when traveling by air.  We have ordered this one for our next trip.  I’m sure I’ll do a review once we actually get it and go for a spin.  It is 14 pounds and it doesn’t recline fully, but at $60 I can’t complain too much and I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on something we are only going to use when we travel (since I am OBSESSED with our Baby Jogger City Mini GT).  BUT if money was no object, I’d try to find something that had a deeper recline and weighed around 11 pounds.  Check out this list for more options.

I recommend getting a gate check bag to ensure that your car seat and/or stroller stays clean.

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Jet Lag:

This can be tricky, but we had wonderful success with simply going about Asher’s bedtime routine at the time we normally do it.  In other words:  don’t worry about it.  In my experience adults are affected by jet lag way worse than children.  Their sleep may be thrown off a little, but just do what you normally do at the time you normally do it.  Israel is 7 hours behind the D.C. area, so I was pretty concerned about how the time change would affect Asher’s sleep pattern, but bless his heart he transitioned from one time zone to the other super smoothly.  Coming back his napping routine was a tiny bit off but nothing major.

Final Words:

I have generally found everyone to be very helpful when you are traveling with a baby.  It is in everyone’s best interest to keep you and your baby happy for the duration of the trip.  Don’t fret about your baby crying on the plane.  It will happen and for the most part everyone understands.  Trust me, it’s much worse for you then it is for the rest of the passengers.  Just stay as calm and relaxed as possible.  If your baby is having a melt down, it won’t help for you to get all worked up too.  Just focus on the task at hand and don’t worry about anyone else.  Being friendly and sociable goes along way and it isn’t hard when you are carrying a cute bundle of joy.  People were literally stopped mid-word at the sight of Asher and just went on and on about how delightful he was, so milk those good vibes.  We did however get criticized for dressing him in yellow.  Apparently a few strangers were put off that they weren’t able to identify what sex he was immediately.  Some stuff you just have to laugh off and chalk up to this crazy wonderful world we live in.

Do you have any other air travel tips? If so, I’d love to hear them!

The Beauty of Being Born

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We are honored to have Asher’s birth story up on The Beauty of Being Born!  Head over there to see it and to read other amazing birth stories.

“Birth in America is a quiet affair rarely shared outside of playgroups, birth circles and therapy. It is time to open that window a bit wider, leave the door ajar, and let the song of our stories breeze through…

We hope this community will be a reference of beauty for women; an understanding of the vast variety of emotion but the similarity of experience.

We hope this community will be a tool and a lesson on the importance of birth and how we walk its path.”

-Ash & Libbie, The Beauty of Being Born

Surviving Growth Spurts

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When you’re a new parent it can be tough to tell when your child is going through a growth spurt and figuring out how best to get through them can feel like walking a gauntlet.  Growth spurts can be incredibly confusing and frustrating, just when you thought you had your little one’s schedule all figured out a growth spurt will hit that can send their whole routine spiraling out of control.  Asher generally sleeps very well at night, but during a growth spurt, he may wake up as often as every hour or two requesting, nay demanding to be fed.  Needless to say this is no fun for either of us.

Growth spurts are an important part of infant development and are usually accompanied by an increased appetite either followed or preceded by longer periods of sleep. Babies need sleep in order to grow. There is a strong relationship between sleep amount and growth spurts, which indicates that it is very important for infants to get high quality sleep (1).

Frequency:

Most babies will experience 5-7 major growth spurts in their first year, these occur at around 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months. However every baby is different so this time frame should just be used as a rough guideline.

Duration:

Most growth spurts last 2-4 days, but some can last up to a week or more.

How To Spot a Growth Spurt:

There are several signals that can tip you off that your little one is in fact experiencing a growth spurt.

Hunger: Your tiny tot will generally have a seemingly insatiable appetite and may want to eat seemingly around the clock, sometimes every hour.  If you are exclusively breastfeeding resist the urge to supplement with formula or expressed milk during this time.  The best way to increase your milk supply and support the higher caloric demands of your child is to put your baby to the breast as frequently as possible.  Short but frequent feedings are better than long and infrequent feedings at signalling to your breasts to produce more milk.  If you really want to try to speed things along, then you can consider pumping for 10 minutes after each feeding, just make sure to freeze the milk you pump for a rainy day rather than give it to your baby during the growth spurt.

Mood: Your little one may also be quite cranky or fussier than normal, which can sometimes be mistaken for colic.  They may even complain while at the breast, pulling of and re-latching over and over.  This mood swing is due in part from lack of sleep (eating all the time really interrupts catching some good quality shut eye) and in part due to the higher caloric demands (they want more milk NOW).

Disrupted Sleep: Your baby will likely wake up more often at night in order satisfy their increased appetite.  Some parents find this one the hardest to identify.  It can sometimes be hard to tell if your baby is going through a growth spurt or experiencing sleep regression.  The best way to tell is if your baby is waking up at the same times every night, then it is probably sleep regression or habitual waking.  However if the waking times are sporadic and hold no pattern then you are likely dealing with a growth spurt, in which case it’s best to feed your baby promptly.  I have definitely been guilty of mistaking a growth spurt for sleep regression and let me tell you, doing so just prolongs the whole process and makes it that much more painful for you both.  

Increased Sleep: As I mentioned earlier, either preceding or following a period of increased feeding your baby will exhibit periods of extended sleep.  Don’t wake up the baby to feed during this time because sleep is essential for their growth.  In fact babies generally do most of their growing while they are asleep (2) and can gain 1-3 ounces and grow up to 1 cm in length over the course of a day (3). I suggest reveling in this respite and catching up on some sleep yourself.  

When to Be Concerned:

If your little one is still experiencing the signs of a growth spurt for longer than two weeks or doesn’t seem to be gaining weight you should talk to your child’s pediatrician to rule out any other problems.  In fact if you’re worried about whether or not your baby is getting enough food in general then I suggest going to a lactation consultant and weighing your baby on their high tech scale before and after a feeding.  That way they will be able to tell how many ounces your baby is consuming, which is pretty neat!

How Best to Survive a Growth Spurt:

The best thing you can do during a growth spurt is to hunker down and ride it out.  Feed on demand.  You may feel like you’re nursing non-stop, and that’s probably because you are.  Just remember there is an end in sight and the less you resist the process, the easier it will be.  In the meantime take extra care of yourself.  Drink lots and lots of water and make sure you eat sufficiently to help support your increasing milk supply.  All the late night feedings may leave you feeling extra exhausted and strung out so make sure to cut yourself some slack and enlist help to tackle all the non-growth spurt related tasks.  When Asher is going through a growth spurt, I like to curl up with him and nurse whenever he wants it, which is constantly.  Don’t expect to get much else done.

(1). Lampl, M., & Johnson, M. L. (2011). Infant Growth in Length Follows Prolonged Sleep and Increased Naps. Sleep , 34 (5), 641–650.

(2). Tikotzky, L., DE Marcas, G., Har-Toov, J., Dollberg, S., Bar-Haim, Y., & Sadeh, A. (2010). Sleep and physical growth in infants during the first 6 months. Journal of Sleep Research , 19, 103-110.

(3). Kirton, B. (2012, Novemeber 6). Everything you need to know about infant growth spurts. Retrieved May 7, 2013, from Life Stages Feeding: http://www.lifestagesfeeding.com/blog/everything-you-need-to-know-about-infant-growth-spurts/

 

Growing up Global

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My mom is British and my dad is American but I spent my childhood surrounded by the dense jungles of the Federated States of Micronesia.  My dad was stationed there as a physician for the public health service.  My brothers and I had care free upbringings consisting of swimming in the turquoise waters of the pacific ocean, foraging for tropical fruit and running through the underbrush wielding machetes.  We also traveled a lot, visiting places like Papua New Guinea, Pakistan, China and Bali.  We rarely traveled like tourists, instead we saw the places we went the way the locals did, in large part due to the fact that we were often visiting people we knew.  When I was 12, my parents and I along with my uncle were smuggled past armed guards into an Afghanistan refugee camp in Peshawar to visit some friends.  The fact that they had three young children never daunted my parents and never stopped them from exposing us to the world that we live in.

My childhood was wonderful, idyllic really, but growing up in the way I did meant that I was always seen as, or felt like, an outsider no matter where I went. The color of my skin made me a minority in Micronesia and the way I saw the world made me one in the United States. I had a global perspective without really understanding that such a thing was a rarity.

My family lived in a small cinder block house with a tin roof, which was practically a mansion by comparison to some of the island dwellings.  Men wore loin cloths and the women were topless. There was one paved road and naked children ran around the streets.  I have lost count of the number of stitches I’ve had, due in no small part to the aforementioned machete wielding.  When jungle fires raged through the brown grasses during the dry season we played in the ashes and listened to the exploding banana trees.  When the monsoon rains hit in the wet season we body surfed the rapids of flooded streams and tried not to drown.  During the typhoons my dad would board up the windows, while my younger brother and I snuck out to jump into the ferocious winds amidst flying coconuts.  This was the world I lived in.  Pop culture and the trappings of the western world were lost on me.

When my family moved back to the United States when I was 15 there was a lot of culture shock.  Even my parents felt the effects, while my brothers and I struggled to cope and assimilate.  I was a fast study or maybe just a good actor.  I quickly adapted to my surroundings and learnt that it wasn’t socially acceptable to be barefoot and that climbing trees often freaked people out. The whole time I kept my knowledge of the wider world close to my heart.  Willing myself to remember the reality of things and not to get swept away by the enticing currents of a material society.

Seven years  after returning to America I moved to Israel for work after finishing college.  I remember feeling like I was at last getting back to my roots.  I guess there is a comfort in not fully belonging somewhere.  There is a certain freedom in being an outsider.

The night I arrived in Haifa I met the man I would end up marrying only 6 months later.  We recognized in each other a common story. He was born in Iran but due to religious persecution his family had to flee the country when he was only 5 months old.  For the next year or so they lived in Pakistan while they waited for their refugee status to go through so they could move to the United States.  Once in the US they moved around quite a bit before finally settling in Texas. We both knew what it was like to be suspended between cultures, between worlds, to never fully belong.

Getting married was another culture shock.  My husband realized that he was more Persian that he thought he was and I realized that I was less American than I had come to believe.  We adjusted and ultimately we grew closer together.  Now, after 5 years of marriage we have started our next great adventure: parenthood.

Our experiences both separate and shared have shaped the way we parent our son.  We are generally very relaxed as parents and especially so for being new parents.  We both realize that children are far more resilient than this society would have you believe.  When my son’s pacifier falls on the floor, I often just give it right back to him.  Being relaxed doesn’t mean that we’re push overs. It just means that we try not to sweat the small stuff.

I want my children to have a global vision, to see the world beyond the small bubble they inhabit and to understand that their actions can have far reaching consequences. I want to accustom them to hardship.  In fact I believe that to do otherwise would be to do them a disservice.  I hope to raise our sons to be fierce advocates for the equality of men and women.  I hope to raise our daughters to be fully aware of their value and self worth.  I want our children to be world citizens and to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to go about doing that while living here, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out.  I do know that the key is service. When children are allowed to be of service to someone else it opens their eyes to the wider world around them.

Sleep Training // Part 1

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Sleep, blessed sleep.  The thing everyone tells you you’ll never get enough of once you’re a parent and you believe it but can’t quite comprehend it until you are in fact, a parent.

Asher was a fairly good sleeper right from the start due in large part to the fact that I had been given strict instructions from his pediatrician to wake him up and feed him every 2 hours.  Luckily we only had to do that for four days, but it really helped get his sleep pattern in check.  You see, the poor thing was so tired and I was constantly having to wake him up to feed him that it did two things: first, it meant that he became used to waiting for me to wake him up and feed him, which in turn helped get his days and nights set, and really that’s half the battle.

By the time he was 1 week old he was doing a solid 4 hour stretch of sleep at night, and when we started a night-time routine at 6 weeks old he began sleeping 6 hours straight.  The problem was, however, that GETTING him to fall asleep was not so easy.

God forbid if I tried to rock him while standing in place, that child required forward motion and nothing else would do.

It required that I either a: nurse him to sleep, or b: hold him on his side with a pacifier in him mouth and his face pressed to my chest while I paced back and forth patting his bottom and singing him a song.  God forbid if I tried to rock him while standing in place, that child required forward motion and nothing else would do.  This wouldn’t have been terrible if it weren’t for the fact that Raf wasn’t able to do it 8 times out of 10, which meant that the bulk of getting him to sleep fell on my shoulders.  Additionally, the only way Asher would nap during the day for longer that 20 minutes was if he was physically on my person.

Something had to give.

Right before Asher turned 3 months old we had just returned from our trip to Israel and thought that this would be the perfect time to sleep train him.  We decided to rip the band-aid off in one fell swoop.  We moved him into his own room, stopped swaddling him and began sleep training all at the same time.  Sleeping well is a learned skill for babies and the biggest obstacle to overcome is self soothing.

Sleeping well is a learned skill for babies and the biggest obstacle to over come is self soothing.

We used the ‘progressive waiting’ method, which is a more accurate name for the well known ‘cry it out’ method.  This does involve some crying so it is not for the faint of heart or the weak willed.  The keys to success with this method are: 1.  Make sure you put the baby down when they are fully awake. 2. Do not pick them up when you go in to comfort them.  3. Be consistent.  4. Establish a bedtime and nap routine if you haven’t already.

It works like this.  You go about your bed time routine as normal.  For us, this involves taking a bath, playing lullaby music, reading a story, saying prayers, have a night cap, singing a song and finally turning on a sound machine that plays ocean waves.  I know that seems like a lot, but some of these things are happening at the same time, the whole process takes about 30 minutes from when bath time starts to when I put him down in his crib (before sleep training I would nurse him to sleep at the end of his bedtime routine). Ok, once you finish your routine, put the baby down in the crib when they are still awake and leave the room.  I tell Asher “it’s sleep sleep time” and that I love him, give him a goodnight kiss and then leave.  When you first do this the baby will most likely be crying, because they are used to YOU putting them to sleep rather than needing to put THEMSELVES to sleep.  Once you have left the room you wait 3 minutes and go back in and pat and sooth the baby, replace a pacifier, what have you, but DO NOT pick them up or you will have to start all over.  Only stay in the room for 1 minute and then leave again even if they are still crying.  Now you wait 5 minutes and repeat.  Finally you wait 7 minutes and repeat.  If the baby is still not asleep after the longest wait time for that day, keep repeating the longest wait time until they have fallen asleep with you out of the room.

The wait times get longer with each successive day.  I have listed the times we used below but feel free to set whatever times you feel comfortable with, just make sure you’re consistent.

Day 1.  3 min, 5 min, 7 min

Day 2: 5 min, 7 min, 10 min

Day 3: 7 min, 10 min, 12 min

Day 4: 10 min, 12 min, 15 min

Day 5: 12 min, 15 min, 17min

Day 6: 15 min, 17 min, 20 min

Day 7: 17 min, 20 min, 22 min

Do the same thing for all naps.  It took Asher 3 days to fall asleep on his own at night without crying and 7 days to fall asleep on his own for naps without crying.  If your baby is still not falling asleep their own by day 8, then you can lengthen the time as needed, but if they still haven’t gotten the hang of it by day 14 I suggest tabling it for a while and revisiting sleep training when your baby is a bit older or you could always try another method.

I didn’t continue the progressive waiting throughout the night.  Many people do apply the sleep training throughout the night, which normally results in a baby that sleeps through the night.  Since Asher wasn’t even 3 months old, I felt it was still important to feed him in the middle of the night if he was hungry.  In any case he normally only wakes up once at night to feed and then goes straight back to sleep.  Of course there are exceptions, occasionally he will wake up twice and if he’s sick or going through a growth spurt he may wake up every few hours, but for the most part he sleeps 12-13 hours and only gets up once.  The exact time he wakes up for his nightly feeding varies.  Sometimes he will sleep 10 hours straight and then get up, while other times he’ll get up to feed after 6 hours.  Asher will sometimes fuss a bit periodically throughout the night, but I learnt that he isn’t fully awake at these times and is just settling himself back to sleep, while his hunger cry is quite distinct.

It was no easy feat to not go in and scoop him up when he was crying.  The only way I got through it was by putting my head phones in and watching the baby monitor light up when he was crying rather than hearing the cries directly.  All the pain I felt during that time was well worth it because it resulted in a happier, better rested baby and who can complain about that?

All the pain I felt during that time was well worth it because it resulted in a happier, better rested baby and who can complain about that?

After learning to roll. This can not be comfortable.

Our next step is determining if, when and how we are going to night wean.  Stay tuned.

*UPDATE*

We did it!  Check out Sleep Training // Part 2.

The Most Rewarding

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Almost every time I tell anyone that being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, they immediately reply with “but also the most rewarding, right?”.  To which I generally say “yes, of course!”  However, I am always left feeling guilty because deep down I’m not sure I see it that way.  Maybe I need to redefine my definition of rewarding.

Don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE being a mom.  It is my biggest dream come true, but when I think of something being rewarding, I don’t generally envision changing diapers, being covered in spit-up, sleep deprivation and going days without any meaningful adult interaction, instead I think of having a career I’m passionate about.  Curing cancer would be rewarding.  Establishing public health practices in under served communities would be rewarding.

I love the fact that I get to be present for all of Asher’s firsts.  His first smile, his first laugh, first roll, etc.  Is being a stay at home mom really the ‘most rewarding’ though?  Not really.  At least not yet, not for me.  It is hard work.  It is lonely.  It is testing.  Sure it can be deeply rewarding in the sense that I have brought this amazing soul into this world, but I wouldn’t classify it as the most rewarding.  The most important? Yes.  The most rewarding? Not yet.  Maybe this will change, after all my son is only four months old. I just think it’s important to be honest about these things, because if I’m feeling them, then someone else is too. There is too much of a culture of shame in the parenting community.  It’s almost as though parents aren’t allowed to complain about how hard it can get, without also reaffirming how amazing it is and sometimes all this ‘putting our best feet forward’ is exhausting and leaves everyone feeling like they aren’t doing as good of a job as someone else.

I wish more parents would talk about the challenges they face or the tests they endure rather than always presenting their lives as perfect packages filled with rainbows, ribbons and professional looking photographs of gourmet meals that they post on pinterest.  Let’s have a balanced perspective please.  Yes, being a mom is wonderful and fulfilling in ways I never imagined and I am so thankful every single day for being able to take on this role, but if you drop by unannounced, you will find my house in various stages of disorder and chaos.  The bed won’t be made, there will be a laundry basket of clean clothes that has been sitting in the living room for days waiting to be folded, baby clothes, pacifiers and tissues will be strewn about the house and don’t even ask when the last time the house was vacuumed.  My son will generally be smiling after having just completed his most recent abstract expressionism masterpiece consisting of curdled sour milk spit-up in my hair, seriously, I don’t even bother to change into clean clothes most of the time because there is just no point.  Being a parent is the best thing I have ever done but it has yet to be the most rewarding and that’s okay, it doesn’t make me any less of a great mom.

A Lesson in Detachment

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Holding Asher skin to skin when he was running a fever after having his 4 month vaccinations

Almost immediately after Asher was born I began to see the world in a very different light.  All of a sudden I saw the danger in everything and I was confronted with just how fragile this physical existence is.

Do any of you ever picture escape scenarios if something were to occur to endanger your life?  Say for example, I’m driving over a bridge, I have always thought about what I would do to escape the car if the bridge were to collapse.  You know, break the glass or roll down the window and swim to safety.  In all these envisioned scenarios I can see myself having a chance of surviving and making it to safety, however now that I have a baby I realize that we probably won’t survive because the darn car seat is like a venus fly trap.

Seriously, being a mom has filled my head with morbid thoughts.  Every time my child is out of my sight, I imagine everything that could go wrong.  I can really understand why some parents become over protective and compulsive about checking on their kids.  The reality is, the world can be a big and dangerous place and for the first time I truly understand what people are talking about when they say that ‘to have a child is to live the rest of your life with your heart outside of your body’.  I try to balance thinking rationally with listening to my gut while having these DANGER signs flashing  before my eyes at every turn.  Let me tell you, it’s not always easy to navigate.

In general I try to be a pretty calm mother.  I don’t want to be smothering.  I want my children to be free to learn about the world they live in, even if that means stumbling and falling sometimes.  I want to guide them to be active participants of their surrounds, rather than just mindlessly absorbing everything around them.  All of this is really easy to say, but it can be incredibly hard to put into practice.  To be a mother means to practice detachment every. single. day.